I made the error of agreeing for this once before, and promptly experienced fourteen days (felt like ten), for being hissed at, scratched, breaking apart fights between this moggy and my existing mild mannered cats, along with having the delightful job of cleaning up the skid marks this cat kindly left in protest on the bed linen inside the spare room, (where she lurked usually). To add insult to injury this cat just is really a cat flu carrier, so spends most of her time sneezing and spraying snot throughout the walls and carpets, a case in point that even my Sister calls her "Spot the Snot", (her name is Spot, the cat…. not my Sister).

I am fairly sure if my cats could talk they would just have known as her as "The mad cat that lives inside attic". She made no make an effort to get accustomed to them or befriend them, as well as the only signs of affection she occasionally showed were totally directed at my Husband and in many cases a mans neighbour who popped round to attempt to fix our computer. During these times she behaved like an overall tart, purring, rolling around on her back along with her legs spread and customarily going as gooey while you may imagine.

By now you have probably gathered we cared for this cat in your home instead of my Sister’s. Unfortunately this is the only practical option, and also the fact this cat cannot be used in a cattery because she is a cat flu carrier. Luckily my cats are fully vaccinated, so not vulnerable, (well, only from her claws and teeth anyway).

To take a look at her you would not imagine her to become violent or crazy. She is white with black patches on her, shaped as being a marrow and possesses an extraordinarily small head for the cat, (possibly because she’s partly an ex-feral, I say ‘partly ‘ because in a lot of ways jane is still pretty feral towards me!!)

Well, it is possible to only start to imagine the sinking feeling I got when having reluctantly agreed we’d look after this lunatic pussy for a second time, I realised my Husband (whom she adores), was scheduled being away in London the week she was staying. To make matters worse my Sister gleefully informed me that the cat was struggling with a bad case of conjunctivitis because of her cat flu, and would require drops deciding on her eye twice a day, so I might want to put money into insurance coverage.

Made mental note "Do NOT even consider attempting to put drops in cat’s eye, she is going to be okay without".

‘Spot the Snot’ in Action

‘Spot the Snot’ duly arrived for my child designated day, afflicted me with a disdainful look in exactly the same as royalty might do if the cleaner entered their regal presence, and been feeling relaxed under our spare bed hissing at anyone who experimented with speak with her or coax her out. ‘Sod this’ I thought, and promptly headed for that pub.

Hubby headed on manchester international early the next morning leaving me using the fruit loop creature within the attic to give, the one cat I have ever met which will let you stroke her for 20 seconds and purr, before suddenly turning round, hissing at you and trying to bite and/or scratch you, (personally I reckon it’s a trick to lure you within selection of her weaponry).

By Tuesday I was getting stressed, (and he or she only arrived on Sunday evening). The nutter creature even growled at me when I hung my dish washing on the clothes airer in "her room" for God’s sake. Offering her hand-prepared dishes of food and clean litter trays met with the equal insufficient gratitude. She had already were built with a major scrap with one of my cats (which probably woke the neighbourhood), along with general I reckon my cats were like "WTF did you invite her again?"

As for view , no chance, her eye may have been looking somewhat scummy, but I has not been risking life and limb merely to wash it track of damp tissue and then put in eye drops, well not without having a full list of body armour and several physical back up anyway. If things looked too bad within the eye department I would get in touch with reinforcements, (preferably in male form as this would possibly be the safest means for all concerned).

At point of writing this hub I have survived single-handed until the early hours of Wednesday morning. Assuming I survive before the evening I shall update this very day by day until she leaves. in the event you hear you can forget from me she probably snuck into my room in the night and sat on my face until I suffocated, or alternatively left me with countless lacerations that I bled to death.

Wish me Luck.

Wednesday

Well, still here to see the tale….. just. A couple of wounds to exhibit because of it though, including one right inside palm of my hand from those "claws which don’t go about doing any damage" (thank you for that reassurance Hayley). What is worse is the wound was inflicted when I was simply attempting to make a fuss of her, how ungrateful is!!!

I am now hoping she quickly plucks inside the courage to come downstairs and venture outdoors for some exercise, that knows, she may wander off and not return!

Psycho-Puss strikes again, (literally)!

Thursday

Hooray, today she crept on the stairs and ran from the back door, (having first kindly vomited up a cat food encrusted hair ball for the duvet inside the top room so that I could have the pleasure of cleaning it down). I last saw her heading on the fields giving the impression of she was on the mission. With a bit of luck this will keep her from the way for the few hours no less than, and meanwhile I can nurse my wounds and count the times of day until Richard returns home tomorrow. At least create can largely take control looney tunes cat care as she usually love Richard to pieces.

Update: the creature has returned and dashed straight the attic where jane is without a doubt hatching some evil plot to take control the world and annihilate all female humans along with other cats.

Friday

Richard finally returned today and screwball cat is pleased as can be. All purrs when he’s petting her, which is until she claps eyes on me, (see video to watch this for action). Crikey, she even lets him pick her up and carry her around on her back!!!!! I can’t even touch her or put my hand out without risking life and limb.

Anyway, we’re out tonight and she has now decided to go off on one of her jaunts off throughout the fields, probably as a way to create ‘base command’ for her planned world domination bid.

Cattery Rushworth . I felt quite sorry for him while he were required to wait up until 02.00am for that nutter to return. When
Cattery Melbourne did, she strolled upstairs without having a backward glance in his direction. It wouldn’t be so bad if we a cat flap, but unfortunately we cannot, so someone had to stay up with all the back door spacious to ensure she could easily get back to the house. Anyway, Halyey is back on Monday so things should go back to normality, and my cats can calm down again.

Today may be really sunny, so most of the day the psychopath cat continues to be outside sunbathing by my vegetable plants. The neighbour’s five year old daughter made me laugh when she came over and said "I stroked the mad cat and guess what happens, she didn’t bite me, scratch me, or anything". Apparently even children around here know she actually is mad after what I are actually telling them.

Psycho-cat is in await me.

Sunday

One more day to survive and yes it goes home. No sign yet of any feline takeover bid and I haven’t received any additional wounds, mainly simply because cracker-cat has largely been outside revelling inside the sunshine.

My neighbour did ask me today if I knew where the ‘strange shaped, big fat white cat with black spots had come from’, largely because she caught it fighting together with her cat on the front lawn and had never witnessed it before. I confessed it absolutely was my Sister’s cat, but reassured her that it absolutely was harmless really and hadn’t killed any other cats….. yet! She seemed happy enough using this, specially when I shared with her the cat can be going home on Monday when my Sister returned. Just need to keep my fingers crossed given that all of us survive that long.

Monday

Disaster , got a text from my Sister to say they had gone to the wrong ferry port in error so we might have to keep th kitten another night until they could get on a different ferry tomorrow. Just when I thought we were safe within our house again! Nipped out, bought even more cat food for her ladyship then aimed Richard within the direction of the top room in order that he could break this news to her that they was stuck with us for the next night. Surprisingly she seemed to take it rather well, I am guessing because she knew she would get a later date to invest basking in the sunshine, swiping at me with claws and teeth, getting petted by Richard and lastly finalising her plans to eradicate the female inhabitants and commence a cloning program of her favourite male humans instead, (a scary consideration to are in a world filled with clones of Richard).

Tuesday

After a quick session inside the sunshine this evening, puss-pot decided she needed a sleep upstairs. I checked the stairs carefully for trip wires before making certain she was safely barricaded in the attic ready for collection.

Hayley and her friend Ian located collect deranged cat today, apparently using some ‘special technique’ to acquire her into her cat carrier without leaving either of these requiring stitches plus a blood transfusion afterwards.

All we can do now is wait, and hope that any plans she has hatched fail, and that we can easily remain resistant to her distorted ideas for a perfect world filled with men and cat-flu carrying female psycho-moggies.

Not sure who looks more evil here, Psychocat or Richard!